giving things a new perspective

So today I woke up around 10. That's pretty early for me actually. This whole day I've been listening to "Cupid". Its funny but it reminds me of a certain someone that I won't mention. I think he'll know though (: Mhmm my cousins came over, we didn't talk much. I was too preoccupied with getting my music player working. *ahem stupid boyfriend's mp3 player *ahem. Well I ate, slept, watched tv, read a book. Basics. I got pretty deep last night as I was about to sleep. That party I went to was pretty crazy but through all the crazyness all I could think of was my stupid boyfriend. Every little thing made my thought process go high wire just thinking about Daniel. It's kind of funny but I always wanted to be something special to him. I wanted a title, I wanted something, yenno? I was so stupid, I never realized that I was something. I dont have to be his first kiss, his first love, his first anything. The fact that I am his...its something that I can't even explain. This whole time that I was with him I was too worried about creating new things with him. Walks and going to the lakes were great, but I never appreciated them. I always thought of it as a contest of beating his ex, I guess? I felt like I didn't get to do as much with him as they did together. I wanted that one moment that all counts, if that makes any sense. All that doesn't even matter and I have no idea why I made it matter. Maybe it was because he was my first boyfriend and I wanted it to mean something for him. Why did I make such a big deal out of firsts. It doesn't matter what number I come in, what number he experienced with me, all that matters is the time and quality that we had together. Even though he was telling me I was special and I was the best..I didn't believe it. I wanted to prove to myself that his words are solid. Funny thing is I was never jealous, I just wanted to win, but this isn't a game. I always had his heart and he had mine. I was pretty much working towards something I already have. Looking back at these months that I spent with him, I wish I made it more worth while. I think it's hilarious that he was the one that tried to make it special for me when he knew it was already a cute and perfect moment. He's a really great boyfriend and I hope that I can fully appreciate him the way he appreciates me. I feel better now, I think there will be a good change. Now that I know I was strange for thinking the way that I did...I know that the couple of days that I have left with him will be so worth it. The fact that he's leaving makes it harder on me. Where's my best friend gonna be? Geeez, I hate thinking about it. I love him a lot, and that love is going to keep us together. Done deal!