my body is a temple

I'm so sick of people telling me that I look anorexic. I'm sick of my mom telling me that she feels sick when she sees me. I'm sick of my dad telling me that I'm unhealthy, and I'm not doing anything right..when it comes to my health. I'm sick of people not believing me when I tell them I eat. Damn, because I DO eat. I eat more than usual. At least I have an appetite, right? All this talk about eating disorders remind me of middle school. I haven't really told anyone this, but I really did starve myself when I was in eighth grade. I was so unhappy with the way I looked that I didn't eat. I would throw away my lunch or tell my mom that I had money for lunch. I would try to get full off water and brush my teeth constantly so I wouldn't eat. My best friend knew what I was doing and he stopped me. He told me how he was scared and worried, he loved me. That's why he did it. I love him to death, and I'm happy that he made me stop. When people tell me that I look weak it just reminds me of how I treated myself in middle school. And again, my need for acceptance. I needed people to accept me. I thought being skinny would mean more appreciation more acceptance. Bullshit, I just hurt myself.

Last night, I had some crazy pains. I was sitting in a room and I couldn't breathe. The heat of the room affected my breathing. It got to the point where I had to leave and stay outside for the rest of the night. When I got home my ribs started to hurt, I had chest pains, and my stomach hurt as well. I cried to the point where my whole body was shaking. My dad tried the best that he could to help me and ease the pain. I took some pain killers and I can't even remember when the pain stopped. I just fell asleep. I went to the doctors today and the doctor basically said that I strained a muscle and I need to stop dancing. Wtf! Are you kidding me! I can't just stop dancing. Dancing makes me happy. With all the shit that I deal with in life, I need this one thing. He told me that I had to stop dancing and doing any exercises for one to two weeks. Fuck that! I'm just going to stretch and massage my back and hopefully Friday I'll be okay to dance. My back still hurts right now. It's hard for me to walk or lay down. I'm hoping that my pain won't be as extreme as last night.