changes

So I think I'll start off this blog with some insight about yesterday. I have to admit that yesterday was a pretty good day. I purposely didn't text my boyfriend because I was too busy and tired. I mean I stayed up until 1, I think I have the right not to say anything to him. Well we had history presentations and I was actually nervous because my partner and I don't communicate at all. So I went up, and unlike the other students, I talked to the class like I was updating someone about my own life. I think it made it easier for them to learn. When my partner went up to present her portion of the slide, she was really quiet and other people went up to me and personally asked me questions about her portion. Later I had my physio test. And I think I got a couple of questions wrong. I know that I got two wrong for sure. Oh well, I'm not worrying about it. I just really hope that I pull through and get an A on this test so I don't have to worry as much when finals push through. Later I went to pre cal and it was pretty chill. I talked to Daniel, class mate Daniel, a lot. Then it was lunch, and that was the best part of the day. My teacher wanted to talk to me and I basically told him everything that was on my mind from beef with history projects to losing trust in people to my dad. He opened me up a lot. And I'm happy. He showed me how I changed and I didn't realize it. I mean before I was very pushy and impatient. I instantly showed my anger and I held things inside of me. When it came to my boyfriend, I blamed him for a lot of things. I wanted this and that out of him and I knew he couldn't give those to me. Before, I asked for too much. My teacher told me how I analyze and I think before I speak now. How I have a greater presence within myself. How I'm not afraid to approach people. How my dad affected me and how I confronted or even talked to people. He was right. All I wanted was my dad to be proud of me. I'm sick of him losing his faith when it comes to me. I never realized that one of the reasons why I'm holding things in is because of my dad. It makes sense, right? I hold things in because I'm constantly looking for appreciation and acceptance, I never fully got it from my dad. It was a very good talk. One of my best. Later it was spanish, and I took my final. I wasn't worried because it was a written final, open book, and I had my topic beforehand so I texted myself my whole essay. HAHA! Not even trippppen! Anyways, dance I fell, kind of. Like I almost fell. I got a few cuts. One on my ankle, hand, few paper cuts. That's all. And afterschool I worked for the MLK competition. That felt good. I missed forensics. And it was so good seeing alumni. I miss the rush of competing, but I have to realize that..that's not for me anymore. I moved on. I guess my day just got worse when I got home. I didn't get any texts or calls from Daniel and it made me kind of mad. But I fell asleep. I woke up around 940 and called him. Our conversation went pretty good at first, but it just went weird after. We got into a serious argument, and I guess I wasn't really up to that. I was getting frustrated and I didn't think he saw my point. But later he was just showing me his point and I guess our argument was resolved. It was mainly about me hiding things from him. I told him to help me change and at first he responded saying, why should I have to do that? But he is right, he doesn't need to. I think that I should do this on my own. But I feel like I hide things because I haven't fully thought about it. Or I don't want someone to worry about me, I don't want them to think I can't handle myself because I can. But I guess since he's my boyfriend, I should tell him everything. He tells me everything. Later I asked him if he could see me changing, he said he couldn't. Then I told him how. I'm patient, understanding, more mellow. I told him how I stopped holding on to the past, the past Daniel. Throughout our relationship, I couldn't let go of that Daniel. And now, I can. Daniel couldn't see the changes at first. He thought I was now selfish and not selfish, but I thought that was the old me. I don't think he fully sees how I changed. Or understands how I changed, even though I described it to him. Well I don't blame him. He doesn't see me that often. I need to let him see how I changed on his own. I can't tell him, he has to see it. Yesterday was a pretty good day. I was surprised that I'm not having constant thoughts about last night.