In all honestly, I feel like I'm going through an insane cycle, more like stage, right now. I'm expecting this and that, wanting more and more. All these desires that I confuse for needs are corrupting my mind. I want change. I think that will keep my mind, soul, and body at ease. I'm frustrated with everyday things also. Bus-ing it, people eating my fuckin' food, stealing shit from me, not fucking asking me to use my shit, make mutha fuckin' plans for me, and not fuckin' understanding my point of view. Well, now that I list them they are pretty reasonable fucking reasons to be mad! Riggghht? And people in my house think I'm the "outcast". Fucking shit.
I completely want to change my life. Whether it's devirginizing my hair or piercings or getting rid of people in my life. I'm so weird. I feel like I'm bad with commitment now. I can't stick to one thing. I can't concentrate on one thing. I need something to do. I'm sick of the everyday routine of coming home watching tv while I eat, studying, shower break, studying, talk to boyfriend (maybe), then sleep. Then wake up and the process goes on again. Of course my relationship has changed. I barely talk to him, or see him. I'm getting better at not needing to talk to him. Being more independent. Not relying on him, at all, which makes things easier.
I want to drive. I want to fly. I want to escape. Maybe write? Spoken word? Perform? Dance until my feet engages with a secret love connection with my mind. I'd like that. I want a stranger to ask me to tell him the meaning of life, which is 42. Or a lady bug to sit on my shoulder. Or someone to spontaneously kiss me. Or a surprise that involves me dressing up. Or a puppy. Either way, it would be change.
Change, that's all I want.
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Aw, I've been a bad friend, huh :/ I've been bad on updates. Well I hope you catch this before the AP tests for you.. 'cause I wanna drop a GOOD LUCK! :) I'm hella pressed for time. My life is changing rapidly, and I wanna tell you all about it but I wanna do one big explosive update, not little segments. So after alla this is done, let's catch up, boo! I truly do miss ya. I'm not just saying.
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