falling through cracks

I wish this blog thing was like a talking sorta thing. I know it's a tell all but damn, it would be so much easier if I could just talk and my computer typed for me. Hahaha!

These days I have been slippin'. Not on that school stuff, don't get me wrong I have my mind straight when it comes to my future, but it's the other things in life. My health, friends, family. I guess my family stays strong throughout this process but I do dislike them sometimes. I'm falling deeper and deeper into a hole. A hole in which I want to burn and destroy. I think I'm really looking for something new. Something sweet, something sincere, mostly something worth while.

I think I'm a fuckin' monster now. I just eat my way through things and kill 'em. If I don't like it..poof! It's gone. But, I'm holding onto something and I feel like it's necessary for me to let go. I don't really think anyone understands what I feel like I'm holding on to. Maybe a few who know me well. But, I guess what I'm saying is that I hope you don't know what I'm holding on to. Maybe when people find out, that's when I really have to let it go. Damn, I'm hell of complicated.

I really wanna dye my hair now. Like red, or dark purple? Maybe I'll just do it and get my dad's permission. He's said yes many times, it's always my mom that stops me. I want it to grow just so I can chop it off again too.